Have you ever over-thought something, to the point it eats away at you? Perhaps you are undergoing a pinnacle turning point in your life, unsure of what to do or how to feel. It may even be a stressful event, betrayal, confusion, or simply living up to the pressures of life and expectations. Whatever the stress is - know we have all been there, myself included.
It is important to realize that whatever you are going through right now, no matter how confusing, stressful or upsetting the situation is, is MEANT to be, it is MEANT to happen.
Life is getting you down, your best friend and you had an argument and you guys have parted ways. You lost a loved one due to an illness or even losing someone so suddenly your heart is ripping from your chest. Perhaps you give effort into people that do not give the same back. Maybe you are going through a breakup that is harder for you than it is the other person - seemingly moving on in all avenues when you feel you are at a standstill. Perhaps you feel left behind at school or in your friendships. Or you recently found out a friend was not really your friend. It could be that you feel you are failing in some avenue of your life. Perhaps you have been cheated on, or strung along, not quite understanding why you have been placed all the blame in a situation where the other person has done their fair share of bad behaviours, if not more. Some confusing and hurtful situations may not even be at typical "faults"...perhaps you lose a friendship or relationship because of distance, or a falling out that you cannot seem to understand how or why it happened. In some situations, financial worries feel at the brunt of stress and anxiety. Sometimes, people are laid off because there aren't enough jobs in the market which has nothing to do with your performance. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.
During difficult times of pain, we go over every detail, making ourselves sick replaying every moment, what you could to do re-do it, or what you or they could have done differently. We question it over and over again, crying and screaming WHY!? Sometimes, when you replay it, you see you couldn't have done ANYTHING differently. You end up being mad at the stars, gods, and destiny for putting you in a tremendously unfair situation. But, my love, this unfair situation is not all that unfair...there is a light at the end of the tunnel that may seem trivial now, but will round you, I promise. Stop idealizing what could have or should have been - that situation DID NOT HAPPEN, this one did, and you are better off...trust me. Although it seems you are not better off, especially those who have hearts of gold who love everything and invest themselves into everything, you are meant to be where you are right now, yes, even without that job you thought you were doing amazing in (and I am sure you were).
Here are a few reasons why things happen the way they do:
1. To Teach You A Lesson This one is the most difficult to grasp. "A lesson, me, but why? I don't deserve this!" And honey, you totally, totally do not deserve this lesson, but lessons are things we must always over come. You are angry and don't understand it. and the many possible reasons are extensive. You are learning something through every moment of your life, in good times and in bad times. You learn what makes you happy, what makes you a better person, what is worth the energy, what you will not accept, and what to do next time. It is okay to be mad and question things, but when you let go of these questions, you are giving yourself emotional freedom. Devote this time to directing your energy into more important matters: friends, family, your body, working out, reading, self love...blogging! Whatever your passion is, follow through with it, set goals and demolish them!
2. To Guide You Through The "Right" Path A friend, Alla, had sent me a link of a video that speaks to your path and why we undergo turmoil. The path you are on is meant to happen. In order to arrive at a certain destination, you must first go through life's curves. Do not ever, EVER believe you have made a mistake, or taken a path when you should have taken another. In other words, no choice is a mistake, it is an experience that was meant to happen. Sometimes, the experience is truly missed, other times you don't understand why the experience happened at all. Ultimately, it is meant to happen or else all the things that came before, would have never led you to what is to come, and what is to come is something magical! There are no WRONG turns and remember, people will judge your choices and your path no matter what - so follow it and know that it does not matter what they think. You are on your path that leads you somewhere, judgment is inevitable, do not allow that to be the basis and scripture for who you are. Only YOU know who you are. Remember, whatever they say, and the thoughts of being a failure are utterly wrong. See the situation as a guidance - something you had to go through - which was innevitable as a part of life's divine destination through destiny.
"Failure is that thing trying to move you in the right direction. There are no mistakes, no wrong paths, everything is leading to the same destination".
3. To Test You
This one, although unfair, is one we are contested with at most times. God, a higher power, destiny, fate, and/or life is challenging you, to test your limits all the while shaping you for the better.
I have mentioned this to a friend before, it was a passage told to me when I was a young girl. On a generation trip with my mother and grandmother, being roughly 11 or so at the time, we met a young couple who we all hit it off with. I remember sitting by the hotel's pool in Florida sharing stories, personal experiences etc. Of course, being young, I mostly listened to my mom and this young woman conversing. The young woman explained the loss of her father, and how difficult this was for her, as it was a very sudden loss. As she explained how she found out, and the explanation of how she collapsed into her husband's arms, I could not help but in that moment to cry. It is one of those stories you hear which changes you, I want to say at this age, or this moment, I immersed myself in empathy. What struck me about this tragic loss was how she overcame it:
"It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to overcome. But, I hold onto something that keeps me going. God gives you a plate, and on this plate will be all the obstacles he believes you can over come. He only puts on your plate what he knows you can handle which brings you something out of it. And on this plate, you are able to handle these things, overcome them, and be stronger".
4. To Make You Stronger
The quote above by that beautiful girl can tie into the reason of strength. You lose a job, a friend, a love, a person and although it doesn't make sense, with each loss, comes strength. After losing my grandparents I believe I was given their strength. Sometimes, the reason of why you are needed to gain strength isn't completely evident. I am not suggesting that a death is given by god or destiny to teach you to be stronger...no, no, no. There is a plan set for everyone, including those who pass on, and those reasons cannot be known, only they will know (in the afterlife if you believe in one) and if you do not believe in one, then rely on the fact that we simply have a time to leave this earth.
"Everything happens for a reason, but that reason cannot be completely known".
It isn't always understood why things happen, but you will gain strength from this in one way or another. You will be better equip to handle a heartbreak in the future, to navigate loss with the knowledge that you can overcome it, perhaps being able to guide others with their sense of loss.
5. To Make You Wiser
Tying into strength, you will gain a sense of wisdom. Learning, that not every situation is given a black and white answer, and even the ones that do, you will not always be able to gain complete closure or a complete sense of why? The turning point is accepting what life throws at you. Eventually, you learn that there is a greater purpose, and maybe, it is to teach you of this reality, of life lessons and accepting what is to come, will come. It is inevitable that we navigate life and go through situations thinking we have total control, but we have to accept that there will be situations in which we have no control over, and understanding this is the greatest wisdom of all.
Letting go, letting things be, letting things come, and merely living life in the present is a lesson that life can teach you, perhaps this is the wisdom you will receive by going through this hard time.
6. To Set Guidelines For What You Want In Life Not everything you lose is a loss. Think about whatever the situation you are going through right now, and try to see the positives. Maybe you were feeling unhappy in that job, friendship or relationship. Perhaps you were investing too much of yourself and not gaining anything out of it or at least gaining things you deserved. Perhaps trust or loyalty had a big part in it, and you could not seem to shake that little monkey on your back. Perhaps you were working for a boss that took advantage of your work ethic. Whatever it is, I am sure you can see a part in which you wanted something more. Of course, sadness and confusion come with any and every situation. But, it is time to turn this around. Remove yourself from the victim and become the see-er. See things for how and what they are. You are now able to come to new experiences with a brand new lens, one of which encompasses your wants and needs for the future. Perhaps the next job will need to have a certain salary, driving distance, or work environment that has your energy. Your next relationship/friendship there needs to be more honesty, effort or they need to share the same values. Even if the situation was in fact taken away from you, you TAKE something out of it...and honestly, it is ALWAYS for the better. You will have these guidelines and trust me, you know what is worth your time now, and what to let loose ahead of the game.
7. Not Everyone Has The Same Heart/Intentions/Values As You When people show you their true colours, or walk out of your life so easily, believe them. Believe their character for who they are, and remember this IS NOT a reflection of you, your worth or your heart. Some people will not give what you give, and of course that is okay. Being a good person isn't always a two way street - don't let this change YOU. Continue to be the kind person that you are, continue to give love and loyalty to all your friendships and relationships - always giving your all. Being emotionally invested is an admirable trait, especially in today's society where trust is so easily broken, be a person who can still give your all in terms of love, kindness and compassion. This is one of the harder life lessons to accept. But keep your head held high, let people go, let situations be, and let those people walk so easily out of your life go. It means they are not worthy for staying in your life. Those who walk out were never meant to stay and you deserve someone to always stay. So say goodbye and chin up love. Just remember: do not let this situation change your good heart, shake it off, allow it to shape you in the right ways, learn from it, only let it make you better, do not let it harden you...we NEED good people like you
8. To Prepare You For Bigger Challenges Ahead Whatever you are enduring right now, there is more to come ahead. That is the reality of life, love and loss. It feels like the end of the world now, but your world will end many more times. Although that SUCKS, every time you will learn something, you will grow, you will become wiser, stronger, learn your needs, accept only the best, see the world for what it is and you learn to remain the same good-hearted you! It is only natural to let yourself grieve, however and whichever ways you can. But remember, you will be okay. Time heals all as cheesy as it is, take it day by day and when you finally start seeing your smile come back, you will know that all these people were right...and you sort of feel bad for thinking they are crazy with their SILLY sayings of "time heals all wounds" (come on, when I even heard it during my times of grief, total shade emoji and death stares 😑😠😒...you don't know what I am going through!!!!!!!). But trust me, they do, and that little voice that says you aren't going to get over it, well...it's WRONG! Let it out now babe, but soon enough, that smile will come.
Now go out there, be free, and be a rockstar! The world deserves to see your smile! Wear it with pride! From this point on, you will now be able to accept these life challenges with ferocious freedom...and it is infinitely liberating!